Ask yourself, ask us, and ask the marketplace

August 16, 2020

There are many reasons we might hold back from asking for this or that.

Some of the typical motives for failing to ask include:

a) Not knowing that we can ask;
b) Being afraid to be rejected;
c) Unsure who we should ask;
d) Being unclear about what we want;
e) Believing we are not worthy of receiving anything;
f) A misplaced sense of independence.

Understanding the answer is always ‘No’ when we fail to ask, it could be a good moment to get into the habit of asking to eventually receive the desired ‘Yes’.

So ask yourself, ask us, and ask the marketplace. Possibly the practice will feel strange at first, but in time you may discover life is more accommodating than you believed beforehand.

To share your input on the ideas raised here in this ‘Ask yourself, ask us, and ask the marketplace’ post, leave a comment below.

Kindest regards.


About Brian

Brian Groves DipM FCIM Chartered Marketer, Coach, Trainer and Author, supplies professional and personal development to a portfolio of corporate and individual clients.

As an Adjunct Professor at the Università Cattolica, Milan, Italy, Brian teaches the International graduate courses Leadership coaching: bringing potential to the stage of work and Personal marketing: performance skills at work.

Through coaching, training and writing, Brian works mainly with motivated young and mid-life professionals who wish to live their potential, in education, work or life in general.

Curious? You can contact Brian via e-mail (, by clicking on the icons or leaving a comment below.

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June 14, 2010

Three Common Hurdles

All clients are different, each has his or her own objectives, areas of action and choices to be explored, clarified, and worked upon. Yet three items stand out as typical hurdles between where one is and where one wishes to be. Perhaps they are common to us all.

The saying ‘If we don’t ask the answer is always no’ is so true. Yet opening up, with a genuine request for help, information, a chance to be considered for promotion, a date even, can seem terrifying at times.

The problem may derive from the fear of not wanting to appear needy, pushy, desperate or suchlike. On the other hand, people might just be happy for us to reach out, make the first move, and assume our silence is due to a lack of need or interest on our part.

Building self-belief in ourselves – the worst that could happen is we receive a ‘no’ for an answer, right? – can be done over time and with situations involving simple, no risk requests. Hearing our ourselves ask may be a new experience, but the results could be worth the effort.

Saying no
As we might hold back on asking, so too can saying no to others be difficult at times. Being available 24/7 is tiring though and giving unlimited access to everyone outside of the immediate family unit reduces our ability to provide quality time for those we love.

Unless our job description specifies otherwise, we are employed to do our job. Being clear on our priorities, explaining and if necessary defending these, may help us overcome the habit of not saying no. In a similar way to asking, we can start small and progress with time.

People do cheat, there are times when we shouldn’t trust. But making it a default setting for all our interactions means we potentially miss out on so much. ‘Trust but verify’ is a saying which offers some wisdom in those situations we are unsure about.

Life is not just about ‘bad’ people however. Many are undoubtedly honest, decent folk and, with a little trust, we can connect with them. Opening up, expanding one’s circle of contacts, meeting new people and learning about life through such exchanges are also elements of life.

Each hurdle may be broken down into small steps and tackled one at a time as confidence grows. They could be explored from various perspectives to gain more insight. Visualizing oneself asking and receiving the answer desired, saying no to an unreasonable request or trusting someone’s intentions are good and being proved right, might help too.

Working to overcome our limits through exploration and practice can enrich our lives. The ideas offered here are just drops in the ocean in terms of ways of dealing with the three hurdles. As always, I am sure you have input around these issues and I’d love to hear your ideas.


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