June 14, 2010

Three Common Hurdles

All clients are different, each has his or her own objectives, areas of action and choices to be explored, clarified, and worked upon. Yet three items stand out as typical hurdles between where one is and where one wishes to be. Perhaps they are common to us all.

The saying ‘If we don’t ask the answer is always no’ is so true. Yet opening up, with a genuine request for help, information, a chance to be considered for promotion, a date even, can seem terrifying at times.

The problem may derive from the fear of not wanting to appear needy, pushy, desperate or suchlike. On the other hand, people might just be happy for us to reach out, make the first move, and assume our silence is due to a lack of need or interest on our part.

Building self-belief in ourselves – the worst that could happen is we receive a ‘no’ for an answer, right? – can be done over time and with situations involving simple, no risk requests. Hearing our ourselves ask may be a new experience, but the results could be worth the effort.

Saying no
As we might hold back on asking, so too can saying no to others be difficult at times. Being available 24/7 is tiring though and giving unlimited access to everyone outside of the immediate family unit reduces our ability to provide quality time for those we love.

Unless our job description specifies otherwise, we are employed to do our job. Being clear on our priorities, explaining and if necessary defending these, may help us overcome the habit of not saying no. In a similar way to asking, we can start small and progress with time.

People do cheat, there are times when we shouldn’t trust. But making it a default setting for all our interactions means we potentially miss out on so much. ‘Trust but verify’ is a saying which offers some wisdom in those situations we are unsure about.

Life is not just about ‘bad’ people however. Many are undoubtedly honest, decent folk and, with a little trust, we can connect with them. Opening up, expanding one’s circle of contacts, meeting new people and learning about life through such exchanges are also elements of life.

Each hurdle may be broken down into small steps and tackled one at a time as confidence grows. They could be explored from various perspectives to gain more insight. Visualizing oneself asking and receiving the answer desired, saying no to an unreasonable request or trusting someone’s intentions are good and being proved right, might help too.

Working to overcome our limits through exploration and practice can enrich our lives. The ideas offered here are just drops in the ocean in terms of ways of dealing with the three hurdles. As always, I am sure you have input around these issues and I’d love to hear your ideas.



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